March 28, Wednesday

My brother is dead. He died five years ago, today. I, Leonard P. Jackie, think about him every once in a while, but not often. I can talk about him now without crying. I don’t know if dad thinks about him anymore. If he does he doesn’t say anything about it. I know he thinks about mom. She killed herself a few months after his death. I think she just couldn’t take the pain anymore. I’m not going to be sexist and say that women can’t take the emotions that come to them. But my mom just had too much stuff going on, my brother’s death, losing her job, and her father was put in prison two months before that. I don’t know why he was in jail; she did though. All I know is that it was something about family. I think a murder, but I watch too many murder mysteries.

My friends say that my family is messed up. I don’t think so; they just don’t have bad things happen to their families. Well not all of them, Carrie’s parents died when she was three. Her grandparents were dead by the time she was born. Her brother is nineteen. I’m still not that sure how to say his name. He didn’t get into college, so he’s staying around the house until she gets to college. He knows she’ll get in; she’s smart. She’s fourteen, so he has some time to wait.
I never gave my age did I? Well I’m fifteen, almost sixteen. I can almost legally drive; I think I’ll get the old hatchback. It’s not pretty, but it works. I drive every once in awhile, but not often. Enough about me and my family.

My dad’s name is Earl, real original ain’t it. He’s forty something. I know what you’re thinking, “dumb kid, doesn’t even know his dad’s age.” Well I never really paid attention. I do know his job though. He’s an optimologist optomaligist optamallagest eye guy. Now you’re thinking I can’t spell, you try spelling an ologist word without a dictionary. He gave me glasses when I was four, my brother when he was six. I don’t need glasses, but I’m used to ‘em now.

Anyways, that’s me in a nutshell. Except that I have a cat, Fido. I named him Fido
because I wanted a dog and brother wanted a cat. I named it he chose it. My parents thought it was fair. My brother knew everything about cats. He loved cats so much his
pillow had cats on it. His room was filled with cat pictures and cat books, everything cat.
If you could think of a question about cats he’d know the answer, but if you ask him a
math question might as well be asking a baby, he wouldn’t understand it at all, unlike
me. He wasn’t very bright.

I wrote this during a math test. I finished early; like always. A guessed I would have twenty extra minutes. I only have ten; guess I’ve lost my touch. Anyway, this morning Dad said something about a surprise. I hope it’s good. Last time he said that I got lost three blocks from the store he was in. Bad day; ended up screaming at the top of my lungs. He was getting a car; I was getting lost in a bookstore. Never really liked bookstores after that. Or car lots for that matter. Where did the phrase “For that matter” even come from? What does it even mean? I mean really it makes no sense, well to me. There goes my mind again went from writing about meanings or terms.

This is a sad day, yet a happy one. That surprise I told you about, I have a rough idea what it is. Not a great one but, I think it has something to do with a car. I can almost drive so, a car for him and I get the hatchback. I can’t wait till after school. My guesses are very close to what happens. I couldn’t get anywhere close to people’s death though. How, when, why, who. I couldn’t and won’t. But every once in a while people trick me into it. Mostly their siblings though. It doesn’t work. I don’t have special powers; I’m just a lucky guesser.

Class is over, and I don’t have time in my other classes to write. This will be all until later today, probably before the surprise though.

* * *

We are in the hatchback. Not going towards home. I know it’s my surprise. Well, not really a surprise anymore. Just me and my dad; Driving out of town; straight to the auto mall. He’s been talking about a ford, about how he almost has enough money for one. Before mom died, she wanted a hatchback, for traveling. Dad wanted a Ford, but he didn’t get what he wanted. He wasn’t mad; he was happy. Mom was happy, that’s what he wanted. He cares about others more than he did.

“Leonard,” dad said.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“It’s been five years. Five long years. I’ve been thinking. You know, ‘bout Ethan.” Ethan is my brother, by the way.
“Yeah.”
“Is ‘yeah’ the only thing you’re going to say?” he asked.
“Maybe.”
“Are you like this to everyone? I mean unhelpful.”
“Maybe.” I like bothering him, he gets angry, forgets about it, and gets confused. He can’t hold a grudge even for a lousy three minutes. He can’t get mad at anyone. He lost a hundred dollar bet. Forgot about losing in his longest time ever, thirteen minutes.
“So I’ve been thinking. I don’t think I can take it anymore,” he said, “You know, five years is a long time.”
“One thousand eight hundred twenty-five days, 43,800 hours,” I clarified.
“You and your math; I can’t take it anymore.” Just then, he drove the car of the road. Straight into a tree. He said, “I’m sorry, I love you.” A branch struck him in the head, as it broke in half.
“Dad, Dad! DAD!” I yelled. No answer. I fumbled as I pulled the phone out of his pocket. I dialed 911. “The car ran off the road, off of I-17,” I managed to work out before the operator could say a word.
She then said, “An ambulance will be right with you.” The phone went quiet, and she quarried, “How many people are in the car?”
“Two, me and my dad. I think he’s dead though.” She asked me if there was anyone I wanted to contact. I said, “If he is dead, no one is related by blood, and alive.”
“We must save him than,” she said with alarm.
“That would be nice,” I said, “Not being an orphan and all.” There was another pause on the line.
“The ambulance should be arriving soon,” she said. As if on cue, I could hear the ambulance.

* * *
The doctors took my dad away immediately. They started asking me questions, patching up scratches, and sticking cold metal circles on me. I didn’t know what the circles did, but they were doctors. I trust doctors, but not dentists. They could lie and you’d never know. You can feel pain before you see a doctor, but not a dentist. There goes my mind again, trailing off again. In the middle of a freaking ambulance, with a dead person and five doctors swarming me, I’m thinking about how I don’t trust dentists. I swear I have ADD or something, really.

* * *
He was dead. Or should I say “is dead.” I am alone, mostly. No one to live with. Every single person dead. I am officially an orphan. Not homeless, but an orphan. They told me to ask to stay with my closest friend. And you know what, I did. Well more of, my best friend and her family live with me. In the house I have lived in for fifteen years. It’s bigger than theirs, so yeah. Now you’re thinking “her, his best friend is a ‘her’?” Yes, yes she is, remember Carrie and her brother. They’re the closest thing to family now.

All of the money dad had, ours now. We’re being smart, unlike some people who told me to buy a car. He saved money until he could buy a full ford. Not a down payment, all out a hundred percent bought, about thirty thousand dollars. We’re saving it for college. It’s in the bank. I estimated about seven thousand dollars in interest. We’re doing fine on our own though. She has already gotten a few scholarships. She is smarter than I thought. We’re guna’ make it through this.

Her brother has learned from us. He has applied for a college, or twelve. He may not get in with good grades, but the money in the bank is going half him, forth Carrie and I. we want him to get in college. He may not be related, but he is my uncle now, well pretty much an uncle.